I haven’t been reading too much lately, my mood is bad…sad…frustrated. It is so irritating to feel the way people think of me. To be judged by people for being physically ill, mentally ill. For not doing things their way or for speaking my mind in a peaceable way. For being judged at first glance.
I wish I was more like my husband or 2 boys where it doesn’t matter, they move on. But when its family it’s harder you start to wonder “is there something wrong with me?” (Besides being mentally & physically ill?) Well my closest & nearest & dearest tell me it’s not me but sometimes it feels like so many are against me. So many are so hurtful. I’m so forgettable & I used to be easy to use. I used to be a bubbly bright & generally optimistic person. If it was for my faith in our grand creator, I think I would have been a very horrible person because i would not have a moral compass. But right now my emotional battle wounds are raw & some reopened some brand new.
I want people out there to realize that no one is better or above another human being. Regardless of money, no money, race, orientation or anything. You bleed red like i do. You have feelings like i do. But you can cause a person who is battling so much in life to lose their life because of your selfish desire to hurt or cause them more pain.
Enough becomes enough. When do you not take it personally when a person snubs you to your face? When do you not take it personally when a person so obviously treats you bad? When do you not take it personally when people are passive aggressive towards you? When they use you & throw you away? When I say!!!
I’m so sick of family & “friends” being insincere. I’m a human being. I’m not mean, I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Now I’m jaded. Now I can’t trust because of all the knives I’ve had to pull out of my back.
I know, I’m ranting, but it’s because I’m hurt, betrayed, devastated. If just one unsupportive hurtful judgemental person out there can read this & look differently or act differently or pull themselves out of a person’s life with honesty & integrity after reading the pain I have poured out here, it will be worth it to put my feelings out there. But if not, SHAME ON YOU!!! SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME ON YOU. Treat people as you would like to be treated.
I respect a person more for being up front with me then being a lying fake. Ok. Rant over. Time to turn my blog to part 1 of why i think i developed depression/bipolar. Till then thanks for stopping by.