I haven’t been reading too much lately, my mood is bad…sad…frustrated. It is so irritating to feel the way people think of me. To be judged by people for being physically ill, mentally ill. For not doing things their way or for speaking my mind in a peaceable way. For being judged at first glance.
I wish I was more like my husband or 2 boys where it doesn’t matter, they move on. But when its family it’s harder you start to wonder “is there something wrong with me?” (Besides being mentally & physically ill?) Well my closest & nearest & dearest tell me it’s not me but sometimes it feels like so many are against me. So many are so hurtful. I’m so forgettable & I used to be easy to use. I used to be a bubbly bright & generally optimistic person. If it was for my faith in our grand creator, I think I would have been a very horrible person because i would not have a moral compass. But right now my emotional battle wounds are raw & some reopened some brand new.
I want people out there to realize that no one is better or above another human being. Regardless of money, no money, race, orientation or anything. You bleed red like i do. You have feelings like i do. But you can cause a person who is battling so much in life to lose their life because of your selfish desire to hurt or cause them more pain.
Enough becomes enough. When do you not take it personally when a person snubs you to your face? When do you not take it personally when a person so obviously treats you bad? When do you not take it personally when people are passive aggressive towards you? When they use you & throw you away? When I say!!!
I’m so sick of family & “friends” being insincere. I’m a human being. I’m not mean, I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Now I’m jaded. Now I can’t trust because of all the knives I’ve had to pull out of my back.
I know, I’m ranting, but it’s because I’m hurt, betrayed, devastated. If just one unsupportive hurtful judgemental person out there can read this & look differently or act differently or pull themselves out of a person’s life with honesty & integrity after reading the pain I have poured out here, it will be worth it to put my feelings out there. But if not, SHAME ON YOU!!! SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME ON YOU. Treat people as you would like to be treated.
I respect a person more for being up front with me then being a lying fake. Ok. Rant over. Time to turn my blog to part 1 of why i think i developed depression/bipolar. Till then thanks for stopping by.
Well, my feelings have been a mixed bag of nuts. I just haven’t been feeling good lately. Physically, mentally I feel just feel ick. Bipolar is annoying. I’m on a low for the last couple days.
When I have feelings like this, I feel a measure of guilt. My husband is so amazingly patient, but I feel bad when I have down days. I didn’t feel up to shopping so he went for us. These headaches are annoying too. (Nice side effects from meds) But I don’t want to be a debbie downer. It also didn’t help that this fibro flare up is sticking around. Where it’s been really centering in my right knee. I had an x-ray & nothing wrong, just all part of my fibromyalgia.
Some people don’t understand how Depression & Fibromyalgia or any other Invisible Illnesses can put your life in a dead stop. So anyone reading this who is reading to get understanding about it. Be kind, be patient.
My husband is such a sweetie & told me to do nothing today. So, nothing it is. Just me & my fur baby Belle.
And my fellow sufferers, even though I’m having a rough day, please listen to the advise my honey gave me, it’s ok. Be kind to yourself & be ok to have a rest & relax.
I hate days like this. Ok, solution…push myself harder. When I get out I do much better. I have to have my time scheduled I noticed.
I recently started crafting. I started making some cute name badges, so with jewels & some with buttons including a lanyard. I’ll show a picture soon. I don’t feel like getting my stuff out. But some are going to be gifts & some are going to be for sale. I’ll also be doing something with wine bottles. I would love to learn calligraphy.
Anyway, me & Belle are listening to my husband & relaxing. Watching junk TV shows. Being mindless. Blogging about my life has been very therapeutic & those who have reached out just to follow me & some comments have been an amazingly positive journey. Thank you all.
Tomorrow we will be hanging with some friends. I think I’ll do good.
Anyway thanks for being part of my journey.
Here’s a couple of pics of me on recent good days with Bellygirl 🐶❤ & my son Aaron 😎