Well how do you even begin to talk about family the does not support you or your illness? How do you face each day knowing in my case my mother could care less about any pain I’m in or about my life or for my children or my husband in any way shape or form. We have no relationship whatsoever. We don’t speak we don’t live near each other we don’t send emails to each other anymore we don’t call each other the relationship is over. It’s just me my family and my brother.
You know I haven’t talked about it yet but briefly I will go into the 2010 surgery. I went into surgery feeling pretty OK about everything. When you go under you really go under you don’t remember anything you don’t have any dreams I don’t recall nothing at all. And I think that’s a blessing because as it turns out I almost died on the table. A surgery that was supposed to take 4 hours maximum took 10 hours and a life saving surgery at that. I spent 12 days in ICU with touching go not knowing if I would live or not, but I don’t remember it. All I remember is severe pain in my hands. Not knowing until 3 months later it was nerve damage that made my fibromyalgia much much worse.
Anyway I mention this because it was a very serious surgery and I can honestly tell you that no one was there except some friends and especially people from my religious congregation. They stood by me they took care of me they spoke to the doctors on my behalf. But to say a family member was there I will have to say no. Does this hurt me? Hack yeah. It hurt real bad when I figured it all out later.
Anyway here we are 9 years later and I’m in some prettied badd shape. As you know if you follow my blog I have severe fibromyalgia. I have P TSD. I’m being re evaluated for bipolar and I have severe depression.
Ironically I have a pretty darn good attitude when it comes to being around family. My husband’s family, his aunt & cousins, etc. pretty compassionate and have a lot of empathy for me. They’re very understanding and don’t make me feel like I’m dead weight to my husband.
I think what hurts the most for me is there was a lot of trust at 1 time with certain family members from my family and from my husband’s family and just for the record my brother is amazing and lives far but eventually came and picked us up and we stayed at his house for 6 months to be cared for.
But if you ask me if anybody else came I can tell you no. I also did not receive any phone calls from anybody. It was probably one of the most loneliest and hurtful times of my life. I always try to put my best out even though I’m in a lot of pain I try not to show it but because we live far my husband will mention that I may be having a really bad day. For a while he just felt that certain family members finally understood that illness comes in different stages for different people. And I guess what is so hurtful to me is that when they don’t understand I am at the point where I could care less anymore, sure it hurts, but I get over it a lot faster than I used to. My family, meh. I have amazing cousins & & as I previously mentioned my brother is amazing. My husband, it goes without saying he is my rock after my God of course, but he truly is my champion.
Why oh why don’t people realize that they are hurting his feelings when they talk about me? When they slyly admit to the fact that I’m not doing enough to get better. The recommendations, the examples of others who have over came some Invisable Illnesses. He tries to explain we’ve tried it all & are doing the best we can with my nerve damage, fibromyalgia, flare ups, & spinal cord injury. (I can walk, but it was compromised in the surgery. )
Why do they get so mad that he doesn’t take their advise?? Why o why don’t the realize that I have done everything possible not to show my pain when visiting but in the comfort of my home i can feel like I can get comfortable.
I don’t get it. I guess I’m just hurt for my husband because his feelings are hurt because i am disliked & no one believes I’m that sick or have as much pain as I have. I just feel anger right now. I’m just so done with friends, family & anyone who questions my illness & anyone who hurts my husbands feelings.
I have now officially alienated myself in the future. My husband supports my decision & understands. He didn’t want to for the longest. But he does now & although he’s always been on my side about things I truly feel he has 100% understanding of what I’ve been going through for over 9 years.
I don’t even know if this blog makes sense today, I’m just si crushed for my husband.😭
We did have a nice day today, went to our religious service, enjoyed true & wonderful friendships, had some amazing home made Pozole (by my hubby). So I’m feeling better. I think talking about here on this forum, well, it really helps.
Thanks for stopping by & showing your support, your all amazing people.